“It was a little bit scary”

Cristina from Venice, Italy
who loves Tiramisu 😍

Cristina, why did you run the experiment?

Well, I have been diving into self-development and personal growth for a couple of years now. You know, reading books on this topic, you always find that they ask you to ask people about your personality, like your weaknesses, your strengths, things that you are maybe not aware of, but other people see. So, I always read in the books to ask people close to you to give you some ideas, feedback, opinions about yourself.

However, I never actually got myself to do that. So, when I saw your post about the experiment, I thought “Why not? I may as well go ahead and try it. I have nothing to lose, only some new ideas to gain”. That is why I reached out to you to run the experiment. I wanted to see if what I came to discover about myself was true and what people perceive from the outside. It was very interesting!

You once mentioned that running the experiment was a bit scary. Why?

Well yes, because, basically, you are asking other people to judge you. Even if you are asking people who you know and who you trust, you still don’t know what the outcome is going to be, because maybe we believe something of ourselves that is not true. I’m actually very humble and down-to-earth, so I was pretty sure of what the outcome was going to be, what idea people have of me, what they would answer when they complete the survey.

So, it was a little bit scary because, you know, you are basically asking people “Judge me!” and then you have to accept it and work from there.

But it turned out well, right?

Yes and it was even heart-warming. I was actually going through the responses this morning before coming on the call with you, because I wanted to, you know, refresh my memory of the answers. That was a teary-eye moment, eventually.

It was nice to see the good qualities that the others see in me and that they give me more credit than I give myself for some things. I would say the main benefit is having these results as your support, your reference point when you have one of those weak moments and you need something like a boost, a “You can do that!”, like a pat on the back.

The other benefit is that now you know what you can work on and improve, so that you can actually have, let’s say, a better outcome in life. One of my weaknesses, I will tell you, is that I need to be more assertive, stronger in my opinions. It’s not that I need to raise my voice, but I need to make more of a point of what I know and what I can bring to the table. So, I can work on that and I know that this will impact my career and everyday life. People will respect me more if I have an opinion, and I am not always, you know, in the corner, accepting whatever comes my way.

I just have to find out how to put it into reality. I think that when the situation comes that I need to be more assertive. Like I said, I’ll have to be quick to remember this, and keep in mind that I know I can be assertive. You know, I need to remember that I have the qualities to do that and I need to, yes, be firmer on myself, let’s say.

That’s great, but how does that work in real life?

You know, it actually helped me a lot with my current situation of uncertainty. You see, I should be going to Rome in a month for a master’s degree but, because of the situation that we are in (COVID), this course was postponed. It should have been last year and then they moved it to this year because of, you know, COVID. I’m still waiting to see if it will actually start or not, and then I have to share a flat with someone I don’t know. The situation is a bit overwhelming. But having those answers [from the experiment] to go back to and realise that, actually, I will be able to come out the other side in a successful way, it’s very helpful and it is a nice support to have and to move forward with.

So, it’s also a reference point, let’s say, when you need it. You know you have it, and you can remind yourself that you are able to do that. So yes, actually, it is very helpful.

Let me ask you a more procedural question: Why did you send people a survey, rather than simply ask them in a conversation?

Because I think, if you are a respondent, it’s easier if you write it down and if you don’t have the person right in front of you. You won’t have to face the reaction, the emotion. I think it requires more strength and it can be uncomfortable, I think, if you have the person right in front of you that you care about and you’re telling them “Look, you need to work on this. I think your weakness is…” It’s easier, I think, to praise, to give compliments, say “you are all those positive things,” but on the negative ones, I think, it is easier for anyone to write them down and not having the person right in front of them.

Do you have any other thoughts on the experiment?

I think that not enough people do this kind of experiment. In my opinion, not enough people are aware that there is a difference between who you think you are and how people perceive you. Also, they are not aware that you can actually work on developing, bettering, and changing some aspects of yourself and your life. I think that is underrated and not that common, at least in Europe, unfortunately.

You’re spot on. That why we’re here to spread the message 😊 Thanks for sharing your story, Cristina.

Thank you too for this chat, I had an amazing time.